Saturday, March 26, 2022
Euthanasia For the Mentally Ill International: THE “LACK OF CLARITY OF THOUGHT” ARGUMENT
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Monday, January 28, 2013
Mormon Reformation: Mormon Reformation
Mormon Reformation: Mormon Reformation: Update: The hits keep coming... keep sharing! In 1517, Martin Luther posted a list of 95 Theses on his church's doors. His action...
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Monday, December 31, 2012
What's It Like???
Can someone describe it for me? What's it feel like to be loved, wanted, needed by a significant other? I have never known this feeling, even when I was married. I wish I could be lovable, wanted, healthy, happy and desirable. Unfortunately I am an "UN". An "UN" is someone who is on the whole completely unlovable. I know this is how it will be until I die.
Let's face it. No man wants to be with someone who has chronic illnesses (Diabetic, fibro, CFS, among others). I will never get better, I will only get worse as I age. I have foreseen that I will die alone.
I talk to guys and go on the very rare date. Most of them tell me that they "can't believe I'm still single" and "why am I not taken yet". Almost all of them disappear on me, no explanations, just gone.
Being disabled and left alone about 98-99% of the time with no one to talk to, I do a lot of thinking. I think that a major reason I an an UN is because I was an UN since conception. The story behind the conception (as I was not conceived in love) I will not bore you with but I will admit that when my mother found out she was pregnant with me, she got pissed at my dad for knocking her up and she actually prayed to god for a miscarriage. Before I was even born, I was an UN. Abused (physically, verbally and sexually [multiple times]) as a child. Abused (psychologically, emotionally and verbally) as a married adult. Thinking back over the years, I realized I have lived through (survived) a lot. One time my step dad actually said to me that he thought if one more guy breaks my heart, I will lose my mind and end up in a loony bin. Well that was several guys ago and I'm still here. Still standing. Still breathing, heart still beating. Why??
I try to have cautious hope with every guy I talk to or date only to be let down and hurt every time. How I long to be touched, held, caressed, loved, kissed. I very rarely get touched let alone held. I have heard that you need at least 12 hugs a day for good emotional health. I am in a very serious drought.
I have had 3 different types of cancer. I have made a promise to myself that if I get cancer one more time, I will let just it take me. I will not seek treatment or go through chemo or any of that. I'm done living. I'm tired of it all. Tired of being in pain 24/7/365. Tired of not sleeping well. Tired of not having the positive support I so desperately need. Tired of having my ability to function controlled by the weather. Tired of being cluttered. Tired of not being able to do the things I want and need to do, tired of being miserable, tired of being alone and lonely. Tired of being sick and tired.
Let's face it. No man wants to be with someone who has chronic illnesses (Diabetic, fibro, CFS, among others). I will never get better, I will only get worse as I age. I have foreseen that I will die alone.
I talk to guys and go on the very rare date. Most of them tell me that they "can't believe I'm still single" and "why am I not taken yet". Almost all of them disappear on me, no explanations, just gone.
Being disabled and left alone about 98-99% of the time with no one to talk to, I do a lot of thinking. I think that a major reason I an an UN is because I was an UN since conception. The story behind the conception (as I was not conceived in love) I will not bore you with but I will admit that when my mother found out she was pregnant with me, she got pissed at my dad for knocking her up and she actually prayed to god for a miscarriage. Before I was even born, I was an UN. Abused (physically, verbally and sexually [multiple times]) as a child. Abused (psychologically, emotionally and verbally) as a married adult. Thinking back over the years, I realized I have lived through (survived) a lot. One time my step dad actually said to me that he thought if one more guy breaks my heart, I will lose my mind and end up in a loony bin. Well that was several guys ago and I'm still here. Still standing. Still breathing, heart still beating. Why??
I try to have cautious hope with every guy I talk to or date only to be let down and hurt every time. How I long to be touched, held, caressed, loved, kissed. I very rarely get touched let alone held. I have heard that you need at least 12 hugs a day for good emotional health. I am in a very serious drought.
I have had 3 different types of cancer. I have made a promise to myself that if I get cancer one more time, I will let just it take me. I will not seek treatment or go through chemo or any of that. I'm done living. I'm tired of it all. Tired of being in pain 24/7/365. Tired of not sleeping well. Tired of not having the positive support I so desperately need. Tired of having my ability to function controlled by the weather. Tired of being cluttered. Tired of not being able to do the things I want and need to do, tired of being miserable, tired of being alone and lonely. Tired of being sick and tired.
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