What's It Like???

Can someone describe it for me? What's it feel like to be loved, wanted, needed by a significant other? I have never known this feeling, even when I was married. I wish I could be lovable, wanted, healthy, happy and desirable. Unfortunately I am an "UN". An "UN" is someone who is on the whole completely unlovable. I know this is how it will be until I die. 
Let's face it. No man wants to be with someone who has chronic illnesses (Diabetic, fibro, CFS, among others).  I will never get better, I will only get worse as I age. I have foreseen that I will die alone.
I talk to guys and go on the very rare date. Most of them tell me that they "can't believe I'm still single" and "why am I not taken yet".  Almost all of them disappear on me, no explanations, just gone.
Being disabled and left alone about 98-99% of the time with no one to talk to, I do a lot of thinking.  I think that a major reason I an an UN is because I was an UN since conception. The story behind the conception (as I was not conceived in love) I will not bore you with but I will admit that when my mother found out she was pregnant with me, she got pissed at my dad for knocking her up and she actually prayed to god for a miscarriage. Before I was even born, I was an UN.  Abused (physically, verbally and sexually [multiple times]) as a child. Abused (psychologically, emotionally and verbally) as a married adult. Thinking back over the years, I realized I have lived through (survived) a lot.  One time my step dad actually said to me that he thought if one more guy breaks my heart, I will lose my mind and end up in a loony bin. Well that was several guys ago and I'm still here. Still standing. Still breathing, heart still beating. Why?? 
I try to have cautious hope with every guy I talk to or date only to be let down and hurt every time. How I long to be touched, held, caressed, loved, kissed. I very rarely get touched let alone held.  I have heard that you need at least 12 hugs a day for good emotional health. I am in a very serious drought. 
I have had 3 different types of cancer. I have made a promise to myself that if I get cancer one more time, I will let just it take me. I will not seek treatment or go through chemo or any of that. I'm done living. I'm tired of it all. Tired of being in pain 24/7/365. Tired of not sleeping well. Tired of not having the positive support I so desperately need. Tired of having my ability to function controlled by the weather. Tired of being cluttered. Tired of not being able to do the things I want and need to do, tired of being miserable, tired of being alone and lonely.    Tired of being sick and tired.